Ok, so, if you can stop giggling (go and stand outside the classroom Chele until you can control yourself) the title of this particular item is not a euphemism. It is actually a fact. My husband Alan and I live in rural Suffolk, a most beautiful part of the country, for which I am thankful every day. We live in Cavendish, close to Clare and Clare town is partly responsible for where some of the background to this story started. Clare is a small market town, which doesn't really have a market anymore, but does have Market Hill. It's more like a large village really. Anyway, for many a year Clare had an auction house, called Dysons. Usual style auctions which are now commonly seen on TV programmes like Bargain Hunt (I did once attempt to become a contestant for that) occurred on a regular basis and helped to bring much needed footfall to Clare and as bemoaned by 'locals' parking congestion. One day, Dysons sold up and a couple of very sweet and quaint houses appeared on the old site as they do. The auctioneers hadn't left the area completely, but moved to an old fuel filling station even closer to Cavendish on the Glemsford Road and re renamed themselves Mander. Digressing, the filling station closed about ten years ago and likewise the one in Clare itself, meaning one has to travel to Sudbury or Haverhill or even Bury St Edmunds in order to secure fuel. (Don't even get me started on loss of train lines, shitty bus service and the forced cost of motoring by living in a rural area, that once had these facilities. Mander have since moved again to Newton Green a good few miles further away, for which my burgeoning house, loft and sheds (plural) are grateful!
Anyway, back to the rug.
We scored this beauty, or as the auctioneer called it 'ugly green rug', for 20 quid plus the hammer price. We hadn't seen it, but had had a bit of a measure up so reckoned we could fit it in. By the way, we don't just chuck stuff out because we want something new, in fact the reason for some of the burgeoning is because of this very thing. Anyone for hoarding??? My husband and I have bought very few items just because we want a change. We are both 'second time arounders, who both had family bereavements just before and just after we started dating. Dating, eugh, going out?, seeing each other?, hanging out togethher?, oh I don't know, just spending a lot of time together :)
I go in my Honda CRV four by four ish vehicle to collect it and it stinks. It stinks of mould, burnt rubber, dampness, probably some animal piss and general old neglect. We still see the beauty in the stinky beast.
First things first - move the old misshapen rectangular rug with a curved edge given to us by my mum ( she never really gives you the best stuff, historically has encouraged money changing hands between close family members for material items, or wants something in return, but sometimes difficult financial circumstances, of my own making - divorced, self employed, two lovely but very stress making children and lets face it the kids cost (not only money) (they are mixed blessing says my grandmother who only had one child, maybe tell you the story of that another day) etc etc to another room. Done.
Clear the furniture (I would love to live in a modestly sized house with some superb outbuildings, but I don't....... yet) and lay oderous mustard ish rug down - it's not actually ugly green to my eyes as the auctioneer rudely descrived (note about Spanish) it but some varying mustard shades with some cream & black thrown in. I had already stopped on my way home through Sudbury at a well known DIY base for some other well known pink packaged dry carpet shampoo - should have bought two, as I thought I would do that as a premliminary clean, rather than wet it and do goodness know what irreversible damage.
Poor carpet had survived sine 1970 I reckon, not for me to destroy it as soon as it hit the wood floor. Btw, we do have lovely wood floors courtesy of the previous owner, who was a wood flooring fitter with his own business - nice :)